


will we just be alright?

by unsaved_misc



Category: Video Blogging RPF, supermega
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentions of Vomiting ?, Panic Attacks, but I decided to finish it today, idk i wrote this a long time ago, it’s not the best quality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:40:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25139383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaved_misc/pseuds/unsaved_misc
Summary: ryan does something stupid
Relationships: Ryan Magee/Matt Watson
Kudos: 26





	will we just be alright?

**Author's Note:**

> im not exactly proud? of this rlly but i kinda like it so here we go

“can we take a break?” ryan asked the group, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes, the upset feeling still rumbling in his stomach. the other guests nodded, still engaging in their weird conversation and laughing with each other, and ryan went to stand. someone beat him to it. he heard a clattering and looked over to matt, standing so fast he almost tipped his chair over. he left the room quickly, averting his eyes. ryan really might have fucked up this time. he looked over at his friends, who seemed to have not noticed, and stood up gingerly, following matt. he heard the door slam ahead of him and he sped up his pace.

his stomach wasn’t turning as much now, but even he was nervous he’d retch again. he agreed to it because it was funny, it was a challenge he wanted to see if he could do, but there was one problem to the equation: matt. he saw matt’s face when he had the bag in his hands. how his eyes were trained on ryan, hands trembling and going hidden under the table so nobody could see. he looked so scared and now ryan felt like a complete fucking idiot, but he could fix this. he had to.  
he entered the bathroom, opening the door gently, and he could already hear matt’s ragged breathing in one of the stalls. he let out a sigh, ready to face what was coming. he stepped over and rapped lightly on the stall door.

“matt?”  
he heard the breathing shake a little, going quieter, but no movement.   
“matt, it’s ryan.”  
“get out.” matt mumbled, taking in a sharp breath. ryan sighed again.  
“please, matt, i just-“  
he felt a sudden movement against the door, pulling his hand away as he heard it unlock, and it swung open. matt’s tear-streamed face, skin even paler than usual, looked back at him with anger. something ryan hated seeing. he stood, his height suddenly foreboding.  
“i said get the fuck out, ryan.” his voice wasn’t loud, he wasn’t shouting or throwing things: he was quiet. 

“matt-“  
“i don’t f-fucking care, just go.” he turned around and shut himself in the stall again, a small sob escaping from his throat. ryan stood almost dumbfounded in the middle of the bathroom, letting matt’s cries hit him hard, before he finally left.

-

ryan couldn’t stop thinking about how matt’s breathing sounded, his angered and feared expression, the way he looked at ryan like he was the worst thing in the entire world. he cracked his knuckles, sipping his water, waiting very impatiently to see if matt would actually show up. surprisingly to ryan, he did, hardly a hint of the panic attack on his features. his eyes met with ryan’s briefly, but they were cold. he sat down, and the podcast resumed. matt was acting nonchalant, even interacting and laughing with ryan. he wondered if this was just a show for the podcast and if matt would actually talk to him at home.

his question was answered later that day when matt went straight into his room without a word. the door may have even slammed. ryan let out a small sigh, going into his own room and flopping onto the bed. he knew matt wouldn’t ignore him forever, but even now, he just wanted to fix things as quickly as possible. he didn’t expect matt to be this mad, but then his brain went to the look on matt’s face, how he was chanting “no no no no no” and covering his ears. why did he agree to this in the first place? knowing matt is angry with him is one of the worst feelings that ryan has ever come to know, especially because it almost never happens.

they’re always on good terms because they always just...click. and now, due to the need to impress and being egged on by his friends, ryan did something without considering how matt would feel. he really needed to fix this, not just for the guilt he felt, but for matt’s anger and fear. ryan stood up, taking a deep breath, and went to matt’s door. he knocked and opened it before matt could even deny him.

matt was sitting on his bed, wrapped up in a big, comfy hoodie and staring at his phone. he didn’t look up.  
“hey.” ryan greeted, trying to break the ice.   
“what do you want?” matt asked, and ryan knew he had to get to the problem already. by the way matt’s jaw was set and his leg was bouncing, ryan could tell he was pissed off. he sighed.  
“to apologize.”  
“i don’t want to hear it, ryan.”  
“i know, but i’m going to say it anyway.” ryan plopped down beside matt, facing away from him. “i’m sorry that i did something as stupid as that. i was just trying to be funny, and they were egging me on and shit, and...it was stupid. i’m stupid. i shouldn’t do shit that makes you uncomfortable purely because it makes other people laugh.”

matt was quiet, but he was no longer on his phone.  
“when i saw the look on your face afterward, i felt terrible. i don’t want to hurt you like that again.” ryan looked at matt, who wasn’t looking at him and instead at his hands. he picked at a hangnail, brow furrowed.  
“you don’t have to forgive me if you don’t want to, i get it. if someone, i don’t know, put me and my mattress out on the river or something when i was asleep, i’d be pissed off.” matt snorted at the idea, and ryan smiled. matt swallowed before he spoke.  
“just...i don’t know, ryan, just don’t do it again. okay?” matt looked up at him and ryan nodded.

“of course. i won’t.” he assured matt, who nodded. there was a pause.  
“and...it wasn’t even just, like, the puke part. you looked really red and, like, shaken up and it scared me really bad. i don’t want you to hurt yourself like that.” matt reached over for ryan’s hand, squeezing it. ryan squeezed back.  
“i’m sorry. it was dumb.”  
“it’s okay. you won’t do it again and that’s good.” he thought for a moment.   
“i’m not editing that shit either. no way.”

ryan chuckled.  
“fine. i’ll do it.” he sat in the quiet with matt for a moment, happy that things had finally been cleared up. he was worried matt would’ve held it against him for a week, at least.  
“you wanna get food or something?” ryan asked, and matt shook his head.  
“nah. don’t want to eat.” he shrugged.  
“not even cereal?”  
“...okay, cereal is fine.”  
ryan smiled and got up, taking matt into the kitchen, their hands still clasped.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u enjoyed lovelies :))


End file.
